Well, the last time I wrote I was having a bad week. I am writing today to happily report that I rode the wave through that week and it was followed by a significantly better one. There were several moments in this last week where I experienced some interpersonal tension and I challenged myself to listen to my gut and confront those situations head on. I think that some of my bad mojo last week was due some of these tensions building in both personal and professional domains and my growing awareness that they could not be ignored until they passed.
There is a great freedom in confronting and expressing oneself so long as one does not go into such situations with the expectation that they will resolve in a particular way. I had two instances this week where I had to confront issues with individuals and they did not completely respond according to the script in my mind, but I was able to hear their reactions, reflect them, and and move on without taking it personally. This might sound really simplistic to some of you reading this. For me, this is a freaking momentous moment. I have only started to be aware of how hard I try to make everyone around me feel satisfied, and how guilty and disappointed I feel when they are not....even when their dissatisfaction has little or nothing to do with my actions. I take a lot of crap personally. I feel things with an annoying intensity. I am learning to not take things so seriously.
I also used a strategy that helped me this week. When I had a negative interaction with someone, I made my best attempt to counter it with several intentionally positive ones with others. Someone said something crappy to me...so when I got to my next meeting, I found something to compliment that person on. I smiled and stopped to speak to the person bagging my groceries. I happily waved several people into my lane on the bad interchange on the 101. When I got home, I tried to listen 60% and talk 40% with my husband to show him that I care. I called my brother to tell him that I love him. There is no better medicine for the pain that comes with being treated crappy than keeping that crap to yourself and not letting it contaminate the rest of your environment. I mean, sometimes it is immensely helpful to process these things when they happen. I think that they key for me is being keenly aware of the feeling I am having and then giving myself permission to let go of it...knowing it will hang out and poke me for a while but that I have already acknowledged it and have decided to move forward...even if I go in a circle and come back to it later.
Doesn't sound simple at all to confront interpersonal tensions. I think it's something many of us struggle with and it's important to hear about how you coped with it to remind us to be braver in how we cope with our own situations. xoxox
ReplyDeleteGreat strategy Alyssa, I love your technique for countering the negative by focusing on the positive. Even though it's not easy, it works every time! Beautiful pic!
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